What are Your 3 Rs to Keep You Emotionally Anchored?
It's a challenge for empaths and Highly Sensitive Persons to protect their energy and remain emotionally anchored—I'd know.
'Tis a typical morning before the official start of the day that I'm plopped in front of my window, staring OUT while I gaze INSIDE myself.
As a therapist + feelings translator coach, the nature of my work involves tuning into and focusing on other people - what they're going through, what they're feeling, what they're needing.
I deeply enjoy what I do, but there are some occupational hazards by virtue of it being an others-focused profession. Some of these include:
Taking on responsibility for other people's wellbeing or feelings
(thinking about someone else's experiences or feelings, worrying)Prioritizing their needs and pain
(sometimes going overtime because it's awkward to end sessions, thereby nixing time for me to reorient myself before going onto the next)Forgetting my own needs
(forgetting to eat or going to the restroom to deeply regret it later)... and so on.
Any of these sound familiar? (I see you Highly Sensitive Persons, empaths, caregivers, heart types!)
The Handy Futon of NUMB
When everything is shifting everyday and there's no baseline or reference point, there's no knowing how you're doing. Are you doing better? worse? differently?
When there's no consistency in each day, your brain gets tired of keeping track of everything and SHUTS DOWN.
As a way of getting by, it's all too easy to fall into NUMB - the thick feelings futon that hides everything under its heavy weight.
The perk of numbness? To buy you time & space, especially when there's a flurry of things happening in front of you.
The downside of numbness? Once you sweep things under that futon, you might completely forget about it... until you just don't have space underneath it anymore. Then when that ONE NEXT THING pops up that you just can't deal, you lift that heavy ass futon, see all that you've buried beneath it that you completely forgot about, freak out bc some of them started morphing into something else , and then you go get yet another futon to cover it all up again.
(*cue all the addictive things we consume just so we don't have to think about anything - TV, Insta, food, drink, exercising, working, helping others blah blah blah).
Use It, Don't Abuse It
Numbness is an emotion that comes in handy when we need flexibility of picking when exactly to give space to an important topic or need. It helps us CHOOSE the right(ish) place at the right(ish) time...but only if we actually do choose.
If we don't dedicate time & space to focus on what we've numbed out, we're creating a time bomb.
So How to Remain Emotionally Anchored?
The 3 Rs: Routines, Rhythms, Rituals
One of the ways I've learned to grow beyond this and to stay grounded is to have routines, rhythms, & rituals - times or activities that occur regularly that:
help me settle back into my desired emotional equilibrium and
highlight whatever different thing that needs attention
helps me remember key events or my growth over time
What's the difference between these three emotional anchoring techniques?
Routines
A predecided way of doing things that helps take the mental load off because there are less things to make decisions on. This is particularly beneficial because we all know that HSPs often struggle with decisiveness.
You could totally automate this or habit stack to make things easier on your brain & body! (Book rec: Atomic Habits)
Examples: Rotating weekly meal plans to repeat every 4 weeks, buying the same shampoo, rotating outfits, grocery subscriptions
Rhythms
Things I do certain months of the year at a set cadence to help me remember year-to-year. Getting into the rhythms will help you remain emotionally anchored.
Examples: dental cleaning, annual physical checkups, holidays, birthdays, vacations in the spring/fall, end-of-year solo reflection at the same bougie coffee shop
Rituals
A more personal version of routines that start and end the day and is a time for you to intentionally check-in with yourself.
Examples: making yourself coffee, lighting a candle, sitting in silence staring out the window for a few minutes, cleaning up your desk at the end of the work day, yoga
All of three are ways by which you can help your brain & body know where and how to anchor itself SO THAT it doesn't have to feel like it's a turtle carrying its entire life on its back, barely able to rest and recover.
What will be your 3Rs to stay grounded?
Enough reading! Now's the time for you to tune inward and act outward.
Check in with yourself (now's a great time since you've already read this far!)
Close your eyes, tune into your body. What is it feeling? What is it needing?
If you let your body tell you what you need, what does it say?
Pick one of the emotional anchoring categories for yourself this week - What are you needing more of these days: a regular routine, yearly rhythm, or daily ritual?
Take ONE SMALL ACTION STEP in that direction. (This is the most important step!! Insight without action only adds to whatever's under that futon time bomb. Tick, tick, tick, tick...)
Let me know in the comments which one you will choose; I’d love to hear from you!
The BIG Feelings First Aid Kit
Messy feelings spilling out at the WRONG TIME, WRONG PLACE, WRONG WAY?
Grab this free PDF guide that shows you how to handle feelings like a pro so that you can keep moving forward in life!
The first small action step? Save this post to Pinterest for later.
Other Blogs on Self-Care
© Copyright 2023 Joanne Kim. All rights reserved.
Joanne Kim, Feelings Translator
Hi! I’m a therapist-turned feelings coach who helps Highly Sensitive Persons, Empaths, Enneagram 2s & 4s, etc. turn their BIGGEST feelings into their GREATEST superpower!
They are often the first (or only) person in their family to intuitively process and express feelings; consequently, they are often judged or criticized so that they learn to people please, placate, or perform until they hit a wall.
They’re super familiar with anxiety, guilt, and shame, partly because of an allergic reaction to anger (theirs and others').
Often the super responsible, empathic, and ethical person in their environments, they reach out to me after they're already burned out, resentful in their relationships, or sucked into their shame spiral.
The most common feedback I get from people when I share about how feelings work is,
"Why didn't anyone teach me this in school??"
Hence, I am building a school helping people work WITH their feelings so their feelings work FOR them.
The part of your brain that helps you make wise, sound decisions to manage stress is the very part that also shuts down when you pass a certain threshold. Keep yourself grounded and balanced with this handy worksheet!