Highly Sensitive Person Traits + Emotional Habits that Make Them Stumble
Nowadays, the term Highly Sensitive Person is starting to pick up more speed (yay!!), but with it also is some confusion (boo!).
Sometimes the term HSP is used interchangeably with the related but technically different experience of Empath, and the trait also mimics some aspects of other neurodivergent experiences, such as ADHD and autism.
Elaine Aron, the person who coined the term Highly Sensitive Person and the author of that book, summarizes the key traits of the Highly Sensitive Person with the acronym D.O.E.S.:
Depth of Processing
Overstimulation
Emotional Reactivity & Empathy
Sensitivity to Subtle Stimuli
4 Highly Sensitive Person Traits
D: Depth of Processing
Your body picks up far more quantity & quality of emotional and sensory data than others around you. Like Blu-ray in a DVD-ish world, you see the world in high def and high res — colors are brighter, sounds are richer, everything is deeper.
You also run every experience through a very fine sieve (think of those slow drip coffee filters) that senses intricacies and nuances that others miss.
Since you take in a LOT more stimuli (more to digest) a LOT more thoroughly (more time and energy spent), you often end up backlogged. (Think about how much longer it takes to produce a super high-quality video vs. something that’s grainy).
What others might miss completely or dismiss as unimportant, you find such deep meaning & significance. You have a rich inner world where you retreat and get lost for hours. You are drawn to the arts that depict things that are beyond this world. You crave authentic, meaningful conversations and deplore small talk (“How shallow!”).
You tend to (overly) think and feel before you act, so you tend to struggle with perfectionism, procrastination, analysis paralysis, and imposter syndrome. You do poorly under pressure and deadlines, hate having an audience, and wonder why you can’t just (perform, speak up, advocate for what you need, take charge) like others do.
(The upside is, you’re super thoughtful, conscientious, and deliberative. You make things count and anticipate and prepare for issues that may arise that others find out only after the shit hits the fan.)
O: Overstimulation
You often feeling overwhelmed, foggy, or frazzled because all the sensory and emotional input you take in fries your nervous system. Your window of tolerance runs small - one new thing might be enough to knock you off balance.
You pull away from the chatter, lights, and noise and often retreat towards quiet, darkened spaces so that you can decompress in private.
It’s not that you’re “antisocial”, but that you’re overloaded by all that your body has taken in. You need more time and space to sort through it all before you’re ready to go back out into the world.
E: Emotional Reactivity & Empathy
The third characteristic of a Highly Sensitive Person is that the depth + range of your feelings know no bounds. Your highs are SUPER high, and your lows are SUPER low.
You also easily sense (maybe even take on) other peoples’ emotions as if they’re your own, being an emotional sponge.
You have strong empathy: you intuitively sense how someone else is doing without words. You can even react almost immediately to them before you consciously know what's happening.
You get readily knocked off emotional balance because your window of tolerance is smaller than others’ (or you’re already overcapacity from other things). As soon as you feel ONE feeling, you’re likely to feel feelings about feelings. (More likely to get swept up in an Emotional Vortex.)
You seem to bruise easily and wish you had a “thicker skin” like everyone else. You’ve been described as being “too sensitive” or “too emotional” or just “too much” over things that are “not a big deal.”
S: Sensitivity to Subtle Stimuli
Your 5 senses (sight, hearing, taste, smell, touch) are delicate instruments picking up all kinds of environmental cues. You are keenly aware of your surroundings and are readily excited, overwhelmed, or agitated by strong sensory input: colors and lights, sounds, texture, aromas/odors, tastes, etc.
You pick up on environmental subtleties that others don’t notice - the humming fridge, the misaligned picture frame, the lint on the carpet, the scratchy tag on your shirt collar. These details keep bothering you until they’re taken care of. It’s like someone is out to annoy you and only you!
How many of these Highly Sensitive Person traits resonate with you?
Maybe it’s NOT that I’m “Too Sensitive”…
In the United States, Highly Sensitive Persons tend to experience a lot of anxiety, depression, insecure attachment patterns, relationship strife, etc., NOT because there’s something inherently wrong with us, but because we’re technically the minority (20% of the population) in an environment that’s generally unfriendly to minority groups.
Because these negative experiences are correlated (not caused) by the HSP traits, often Highly Sensitive Persons get judged more harshly, labeled as:
“Too sensitive”
“Too emotional”
“Too much”
It’s like we get bullied and harassed, then get labeled as a crybaby.
Maybe we’re not TOO SENSITIVE but everyone else is TOO INSENSITIVE!! F*©&!!!
If you pick up the exact same HSP individual and drop ‘em off in a different part of the world that celebrates HSP traits – like Japan – they would have a VERY different experience.
Instead of being labeled as being “too sensitive”, they would actually be considered honorable and admirable (and non-HSPs who are lionized in the US would be considered brutish, loud, and aggressive). Our social context matters!!
Clearly, I could soapbox all the freakin’ day long about the unfair judgments HSPs get, but I want to share about some HSP dynamics that DO get us into trouble regardless of our social context.
Keep reading to learn the 3 emotional habits that entangle Highly Sensitive Persons from living their fullest life!
The 3 Emotional Habits of Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)
Here are the emotional habits that stem from the HSP traits.
Navel gazing
Absorbing others’ feelings
AIM x 6, but rarely FIRE (if at all)
These are not inherently bad traits of highly sensitive persons, but they do sometimes cause a lot more unnecessary complications when they’re overly done.
Social judgment & shaming aside (which btw is OTHERS’ work, not yours), if you don’t have alternatives for these 3 emotional habits, these are the challenges you might face.
Challenges that Highly Sensitive Persons face:
Personal Challenges
You make your situations more complicated than necessary.
You retreat into your inner world and miss out on other important experiences in life (self-induced FOMO).
You often feel (and act) awkward because you’re so self-conscious.
Relationship Challenges
You amplify the feeling of shame that further isolates you and feel even more different, broken, bad, and lonely.
You feel burned out and exhausted because you feel others’ struggles or absorb their emotions.
You feel anxious, guilty, and resentful because you take responsibility for their emotional wellbeing.
Professional Challenges
You compare yourself to others and conclude you are lesser than them.
You make your tasks much more difficult by getting stuck in procrastination, perfectionism, or impostor syndrome.
You miss out on a lot of great opportunities that you DO already have access to but that you disqualified yourself for.
When HSPs grow beyond these 3 emotional habits…
Here’s how you can experience even greater richness in life as a HSP:
Personal
You are able to stay in the simple, light, and easy (and thereby don’t feel backlogged from having to process in the depths).
You readily go in and out of your inner world on command, engaging life to its fullest without getting stuck inside.
You feel more confident because you’re focusing less on yourself and roll with whatever’s happening in the moment.
Relational
You find solace in others who feel similarly and inspiration from others who feel differently, without thinking about who’s good or bad. You are able to connect meaningfully with more people beyond just heart-to-hearts because you expanded your definition of closeness.
You feel safe, steady, and secure around others because you can connect with them without merging or absorbing their feelings.
You feel confident and calm because you can be you and others can be themselves, each responsible for their own emotional well being. True intimacy happens because both parties are fully showing up.
Professional
You know your strengths and limitations as neutral information, instead of concluding that there’s something wrong with you. You lead with your strengths and align with others for theirs to cover your limitations. True collaboration happens.
You can take quick, decisive, effective action without getting bogged down with anxiety, self-doubt, or overwhelm.
You have clarity and confidence to engage the opportunities you have, not bound by a fear of rejection or failure. You feel more confident and courageous as you take step forth in your gifts.
How to Grow Beyond the Emotional Habits that Trip Up HSPs
With this blog, now you know the WHAT happens to HSPs and WHY. The next step is learning the HOW to move beyond that.
Don’t just accumulate head knowledge — that’s how you get stuck in the first place!! Time for concrete, decisive action steps.
Here are the three emotional habits of HSPs, each with a link to another blog post.
Pick ONE that stands out to you the most and work on that for the next three months. (It doesn’t matter which you pick first.)
Navel gazing (Part 2)
Absorbing others’ feelings (Part 3)
AIM x 6, but rarely FIRE (if at all) (Part 4)
You’ve read this blog ONCE, and that’s plenty. Whichever you choose among these 3 other blogs, keep it open as a focal point for the next quarter. Better to effectively shift in one area than to split your focus (and get nowhere) while SHOULDing yourself.
Wherever & however you are, I’m rooting for and growing alongside you as a fellow Highly Sensitive Person!
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Other Blogs on Highly Sensitive Persons
© Copyright 2023 Joanne Kim. All rights reserved.
Joanne Kim, Feelings Translator
Hi! I’m a therapist-turned feelings coach who helps Highly Sensitive Persons, Empaths, Enneagram 2s & 4s, etc. turn their BIGGEST feelings into their GREATEST superpower!
They are often the first (or only) person in their family to intuitively process and express feelings; consequently, they are often judged or criticized so that they learn to people please, placate, or perform until they hit a wall.
They’re super familiar with anxiety, guilt, and shame, partly because of an allergic reaction to anger (theirs and others').
Often the super responsible, empathic, and ethical person in their environments, they reach out to me after they're already burned out, resentful in their relationships, or sucked into their shame spiral.
The most common feedback I get from people when I share about how feelings work is,
"Why didn't anyone teach me this in school??"
Hence, I am building a school helping people work WITH their feelings so their feelings work FOR them.
Join me and Lauren LaSalle as we talk on her podcast, The Highly Sensitive Podcast, about how to do emotions along with tips for HSPs.