The BIG 5 Emotions: MAD, SAD, GLAD, SCARED, NUMB
Emotions can tell us a lot about our NEEDS and how we can go about meeting those needs - either ourselves, through others, for others. In this post, we’re getting to know the meaning of the BIG FIVE emotions and what to do when you feel them.
The Purpose of Emotions
I work with a ton of people who are BIG feelers in families or communities that aren’t very welcoming to emotions. Often these individuals grow up having a lot of things going on inside of them, but they don’t always have the words to describe what’s happening internally (aka “alexithymia”) or have an idea as to what to do about them afterwards.
In a nutshell, our emotions and the main purpose behind them is to signal what our NEEDS are. So, if we don’t know what we’re feeling, we don’t know what we’re needing.
And if we don’t know what we’re needing, we don’t really know what to do about them afterward (besides push those emotions aside).
One quick and easy way to check in with your own emotions (or those of others) is by checking The BIG 5 Emotions.
The BIG 5 Emotions
The BIG 5 emotions are: MAD, SAD, GLAD, SCARED, and NUMB. Each of these emotions has its own meaning and signifies a particular theme or corresponding need.
MAD says, “This is not okay,” or, “This needs to change.”
The corresponding need is take action, make change, start something new, or to end something that’s not working.
SAD says, “Whatever is important to me (or whoever is important)—it’s not here.”
The corresponding need?RECONNECTION (e.g., send a text saying, “Hey, I miss you. Can we hang out?”),
VALIDATION (e.g., “That totally makes sense,” “Yeah, that did really matter to you.”)
COMFORT because you’re going through a hard time.
The BIG 5 Feelings Chart
Get your copy of the BIG 5 Feelings Chart!
What Do I Do When I Feel MAD…?
What Does MAD Mean?
“This needs to CHANGE NOW for the better, because X really MATTERS.”
Themes: significance, advocacy, and change.
Something is wrong, broken, or unjust.
Something is in the way.
Something is in my space.
Something needs change/repair.
Someone needs protection.
What Do I Need When I’m MAD?
Justice, equality, fairness
Respect, dignity, trust
Boundaries, distinction, protection
Change, movement, action power
What Can I Do When I’m MAD?
What really matters to you? Advocate/protect it.
Boundaries: What’s my stuff? What’s not?
Take action.
Shift goals or expectations.
Accept what can’t change.
Read more about the biggest myth about ANGER, why you need to stop stuffing it, and how anger makes us BADASS, not bad!
What Do I Do When I Feel SAD…?
What Does SAD Mean?
“This thing or person really MATTERS to me, and they’re far away. I miss them.”
Themes: significance, closeness, and reconnection.
Something valuable is lost or unavailable.
Someone important is hurting.
BAD happened.
GOOD didn’t happen.
What Do I Need When I’m SAD?
Comfort, empathy
Connection, closeness
A hug
Understanding, validation
Mourning, acceptance
Time, space, silence
What Can I Do When I’m SAD?
Ask for/receive comfort.
Focus on the GOOD you had.
Give yourself permission to be where you are.
Mourn the loss.
Honor what mattered.
Adjust to new reality.
Read more about SADNESS as an emotion of mattering.
What Do I Do When I Feel GLAD?
What Does GLAD Mean?
“GOOD is right here.”
“This thing/person really MATTERS to me, and is close and accessible.”
Themes: GOOD, presence, the present, and access.
GOOD happened.
BAD didn’t happen.
Something valuable is gained.
Something is working.
What Do I Need when I’m GLAD?
Connection, closeness
Validation, recognition
Celebration, expression
Integration — Take in the good. You also deserve it.
What Can I Do when I’m GLAD?
Acknowledge the good.
Celebrate. Share.
Reflect — Learn what went well and how.
Replicate — Do it again!
Pay it forward: who needs GOOD in their lives?
Of those BIG Five Emotions, glad is the only positive one. Read more about what to do when you experience the positive emotion of GLAD.
What Do I Do When I Feel SCARED?
What Does SCARED Mean?
“ I am in danger,”
“There’s a challenge ahead,”
“I need to pay attention.”
Themes: focus, the future, safety, and preparation.
Something GOOD might not happen.
Something BAD might happen.
The challenge might be bigger than me.
I am uncertain of what’s happening or ahead.
What Do I Need When I’m SCARED?
Safety, security
Preparation: tools, plan, action
People: support, guide, company
Practice — skills
Courage, confidence
What Can I Do When I’m SCARED?
Make yourself bigger.
Make the challenge smaller.
Acknowledge your limits.
Get comfortable with uncertainty.
Make a plan. Take action.
Read more about what to do when you’re SCARED.
What Do I Do When I Feel NUMB?
What Does NUMB Mean?
“There’s TOO MUCH happening or TOO MUCH to focus on right now.”
Themes: focus, balance, boundaries, priorities, LESS, and rest.
This is overwhelming or overstimulating.
There are so many things to process at once.
I need LESS so I can focus MORE on one thing now.
What Do I Need When I’m NUMB?
Silence — less noise
Solitude — less others
Stillness — less busyness, action
Simplicity — less complexity
Space — less clutter
What Can I Do When I’m NUMB?
Eisenhower Box; do what’s urgent & important first.
Slow down, do less, relax.
Procrastinate on purpose. Reengage when rested.
Reconnect w/your body.
Spend time in nature.
Read more about how to do LESS When You’re NUMB.
Grab the “BIG 5 Feelings Chart” and keep it handy in your phone!
The BIG Feelings First Aid Kit
Messy feelings spilling out at the WRONG TIME, WRONG PLACE, WRONG WAY?
Grab this free PDF guide that shows you how to handle feelings like a pro so that you can keep moving forward in life!
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Other Blogs on Emotions
© Copyright 2023 Joanne Kim. All rights reserved.
Joanne Kim, Feelings Translator
Hi! I’m a therapist-turned feelings coach who helps Highly Sensitive Persons, Empaths, Enneagram 2s & 4s, etc. turn their BIGGEST feelings into their GREATEST superpower!
They are often the first (or only) person in their family to intuitively process and express feelings; consequently, they are often judged or criticized so that they learn to people please, placate, or perform until they hit a wall.
They’re super familiar with anxiety, guilt, and shame, partly because of an allergic reaction to anger (theirs and others').
Often the super responsible, empathic, and ethical person in their environments, they reach out to me after they're already burned out, resentful in their relationships, or sucked into their shame spiral.
The most common feedback I get from people when I share about how feelings work is,
"Why didn't anyone teach me this in school??"
Hence, I am building a school helping people work WITH their feelings so their feelings work FOR them.
Join me and Lauren LaSalle as we talk on her podcast, The Highly Sensitive Podcast, about how to do emotions along with tips for HSPs.